I am not the type of person to throw my problems on other people. I'm the type of person that if someone asks how I am doing, I will always say, "So Good!" with a big smile, even if I have the flu, just failed a math test, and lost my keys. This is definitely a weakness, because then I just bottle everything up until it explodes. Which is what happened about 6 weeks ago. There were a lot of things that had accumulated. I had been doing all the things that returned missionaries are supposed to do, like going to the temple regularly, getting an education, reading scriptures, praying, paying tithing, and so on and so forth. But I was not feeling happy and I could not figure out why. Basically I was just exasperated and fed up with this stage of life! So I drove to the temple, sat in my car and cried and prayed for about an hour. The only word I can think of to describe that hour is "pathetic". But somehow Heavenly Father understood everything I was trying to express, just like He always does. And of course He gave me answers and direction, just as He always does. Maintaining a good relationship with Him is so key, because He knows the answers to everything, and gives us little pieces as we are ready for them. The answers I got didn't come all at once, because there were some other things I needed to learn by working for the answers, but they did come. And let me just tell you, Heavenly Father knows us SO perfectly! And when you ask, "What lack I yet?", He will tell you, so be prepared!
This really is my favorite place for so many reasons!
I came to one major realization that night! I had totally lost my sense of wonder and enthusiasm for life. I was surviving, but not really living. I was doing good stuff, but not enjoying it. Happiness is not a destination or stage of life! It is something we can experience on our entire journey! And we get to choose whether or not we will embark on it! Agency is a powerful thing. I was the only one holding myself back from absolutely loving every minute of my life! Both the good and the bad. Some of the answers and direction I got probably seem like no-brainers, and a lot of them I was kind of already doing. But I just needed to put more effort into them and appreciate them way more than I was. Of course all these things should be done hand-in-hand with the commandments and principles of the gospel! Living the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what brings lasting joy and happiness to this life and the next. And the most important time to do the things God asks of us, is when they are the hardest to do. These other things are just the colorful sprinkles on top that make enduring to the the end a little more enjoyable!
So here is the list of 12 Things that I have been focusing on
incorporating more into my life:
1. Make Friends- This has probably been the most rewarding of the 12 things! I have never been an outgoing or very social person. I've always had a few close friends, but have never been a people person. I value deep conversation, but am not usually one for shallow chitchat, which unfortunately is pretty necessary at the start of any relationship. One of the strongest impressions I received that night was that I needed to get out of myself because there are people all around me who can add so much to my life. Heavenly Father always answers our prayers, but He most often answers them through other people. That has happened to me countless times. We need each other! We are not meant to trudge through life alone. We need people who can understand us, support us, challenge us, and above all, love us. And sometimes it takes a conscious effort to develop friendships like that, but it is effort that is never wasted. And if you want good friends, then be a good friend.
Just a few of the people I have come to love so much over the past 6 weeks.
There are so many more who I just don't have pictures with.
There are so many more who I just don't have pictures with.
Be with people who love you for who you are, but inspire you to be better!
I sure have been blessed with the best!
One of the funnest days of my life was when we had a
flour fight, then drove two hours to go to the hotpots!
Adventure is out there! Sometimes you just have to go find it!
2. Sing- I am lucky enough to have a 10 minute drive to and from school. And you can bet that I sing that entire drive every day! With or without music, it doesn't matter. Sometimes my sister will be in the car with me, and then we harmonize, which usually just results in us laughing at each other. But even if we aren't perfect at singing, it has still been proven that singing is really good for our health. If you are singing a happy song, it is impossible to not be happy! Singing makes my heart lighter and fills me with joy! I am also a part of my college's non-audition choir, and the institute choir, which just gives me more opportunities to sing. And to hide behind other people's amazing vocal talents!
The struggle is real! Just me and a couple of
my amazing choir buddies!
3. Give Sincere Compliments- I am the type of person that is always very aware of whats going on around me, and I notice lots of details. Every single day I am honestly so impressed and inspired by the people around me! But in order to avoid what I thought was embarrassment for me and them, I have never been the kind to compliment people or comment on the great things that I notice. But then I got thinking about how much I appreciate compliments, even if I am pretty awkward in my responses and don't always know how to accept them. So I decided to start giving sincere compliments every day! And not for things that I know people want to hear, but for the things that I notice and appreciate. Trust me, people can tell when a compliment is sincere or not. It could be anything from, "That shirt looks so good on you!" to "You have the most gorgeous smile! Thanks for brightening my day!" or even "Thanks for being such a great friend! I love talking to you!". Now I love watching people's faces light up! It is actually kind of addicting! So often we focus on the negative in ourselves and others, but it is really not that hard to change the culture! Try it!
Probably my "most favorite" short film ever!
There is power in words! Be the change you want to see
in the world! You never know what kind of a difference
you can make in another person's life.
4. Get Outside- I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world! People come from all over to see the mountains and rock formations of Utah. Since I have lived here for most of my life, I tend to take the beautiful scenery for granted. Australia may have some of the most marvelous skies and beaches I have ever seen, but the biggest "mountains" I saw were roughly equivalent to our foothills. That's when I realized how spoiled I have been! Since then I've tried to do more star gazing, hiking, walking, and driving to lookouts. And on a side-note, the wind blowing through my hair....mmm....one of the many reasons I have kept my hair long. That is something you can only get outside! To me, all of nature testifies of a loving God, because it is all so beautiful and just made for us to enjoy!
One of my favorite places in Australia, Narooma!
And one of my favorite places in Utah, Zions National Park!
Hiking with friends is always more fun! Just make sure
you go with people who don't mind
stopping at the top of every hill to "admire" the view!
Just a couple of the exquisite sunsets I have seen in the past few months.
And no edit of course, cause I don't know how to do that stuff...
And no edit of course, cause I don't know how to do that stuff...
5. Laugh- There is a reason they say it is the best medicine! And we are not talking just the weak-smile-chuckle. Nope, full on tummy laughter! In the words of Charlie Chaplin, "A day without laughter is a day wasted."! Some of the things that never fail to make me laugh, are game nights with friends, Studio C episodes, making other people laugh, impersonations, Snapchat, and my younger siblings. So find things that will make you laugh, easily! And pull 'em out when you need a pick-me-up, or just because!
Younger siblings are my greatest entertainment! They are just the cutest!
But Studio C is a pretty close second!
One of my favorites because it is so clever!
Love how they make fun of English majors too! Haha
6. Serve and Be Involved- I am in a single's ward that is full of YSA who are very active and great at fulfilling their callings. This is awesome, but it means that the bishopric has to get pretty creative with callings. For the first several months after getting home from my mission, I didn't have a calling, and I was scared to ask for one. After a while though, I realized that even if I was called to be the official hymnbook hander-outer, that it would be better than not having a calling at all. I missed feeling like I was helping to serve in the Lord's kingdom, and I didn't care what my assigned part was, as long as I had one. So I asked, and became the first official member of the Family History Indexing Committee. It has been one of my favorite callings I have ever had! There are quite a few of us in the committee now, and I love the other YSA I get to serve with. We meet every Tuesday to index and come up with new incentives to get our friends to index too. It has definitely been the "little extra" that I was missing for a while. The church has made programs like singles wards and the institute so that we can be involved. I used to not go to activities, but now I absolutely love them! Just go and be friendly and you will have fun!
Just a few members of our fantastic committee! And the super cool poster we made for our competition! I am usually not competitive at all, but if the winners get to throw whipped cream pies at the losers.......
Just a few members of our fantastic committee! And the super cool poster we made for our competition! I am usually not competitive at all, but if the winners get to throw whipped cream pies at the losers.......
7. Bucket List- I am a huge fan of bucket lists because they are just so fun! And having one written out helps remind me of all the exciting things I want to do. I guess they kind of fit into the category of goals and dreams too. Some of mine are pretty simple, like learning "The Cup Song" with my sister, and finishing my quilt. But some of them take a lot of forethought, planning, and saving. Like my study abroad in FRANCE!!! Yeah that is going to take a lot of hard work and saving this summer, and two more semesters of studying French. Other things on my list are to go paragliding (cause skydiving is just too scary), to visit all 50 states (only 7 left), to be in the Manti Miracle Pageant (totally happening this summer), and to see the Midway Ice Castles. Also, I LOVE reverse bucket lists! I didn't think I had done very many cool things, until I started writing them down! It is so fun to have a list of some of the funnest memories of my life! It also helped me to see how many blessings and opportunities I've had! Some of those things were being in Washington D.C. on the 4th of July, sending off floating lanterns, being with someone when they passed away, and singing in the backup choir for Gentri and Lexi Walker in BYUTV's "Christmas Under the Stars" production.
Two of my favorite bucketlisters! Riding that roller coaster and filming
the Christmas program in Goshen were both unforgettable!
8. Quit Counting Calories- Confession: I gained 35 lbs during the 18 months that I spent in Australia. I don't know how it is in other places, but in Australia, if people love you....they feed you! Lots! So I was just feelin' the love! When I got home, I was desperate to lose all of that weight, because I didn't even feel like myself. Thankfully, I was able to lose 40 lbs in the first 6 months that I was home. But for a while there I was pretty obsessed with keeping tract of exactly how much I was eating. It was stressful, consuming, and I felt guilty whenever I ate something that previously I would have really enjoyed. Yes, it is important to be aware, and I know some people enjoy counting calories, and if you're getting ready for a wedding then that is a different story. But I was wasting energy by worrying so much about it. Just eat healthily, reduce sugar, drink water, cut down portion size, and exercise. It is that simple. And the less unhealthy food you eat, the less you'll crave it! Yeah I'll never be "skinny", but life is more fun when I can enjoy the piece of pizza I just ate without worrying about how long I am going to have to work out later to get rid of it.
My partner in crime is always up for adventures.....whether the exercising kind...
...or the stuffing our faces kind.
By being open with other people, they feel like they can be open with you. That makes for the strongest relationships, and even if you go for months or years without seeing each other, when you meet up again it feels like you were never apart.
10. Be Organized- My bedroom is evidence that I have not mastered this one yet. But I have started making to-do lists on the Google Keep App, and that has been the biggest lifesaver. Having a to-do list has helped me to more fully invest in each thing I do, because I'm am not trying to juggle in the back of my mind all the other things I have to do. I can just write it down and forget about it. Right now I have 1, 2, 3.....19 things on my to-do list. It feels like for every thing I mark off, I add two more things. I've been trying to do better at keeping a calendar too! Sometimes I still double-book...oops but having it on my phone is SO helpful! My Mom is the Queen of Organization! I guess she would have to be with 10 kids. But I am not about to carry around a 5 lb. Franklin Covey planner like she does. Thank goodness for modern technology!
Proof that I wasn't exaggerating!
My Mom's planner seriously looks like this every single month.
11. Do Not Categorize Yourself or Others- This is one of my biggest weaknesses. I stick myself into boxes like "introvert" and "perfectionist", then base my decisions around those boxes. This has resulted in several missed opportunities, all because I limit myself. But I am the one who gets to create my character and personality. So if there is a characteristic I want to practice more, or a skill I want to develop, I can! I've noticed that I do this sometimes with other people too, usually after a first impression. I'll subconsciously get it stuck in my thick skull that they are a certain way, then I am super surprised when all the sudden they do something totally contradicting to that assumption. We are all changing! Every day we are learning new things and having different experiences that have an affect on us. It is so important to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and to just love them for who they are. Don't stick people in boxes because every single person you meet knows more about something than you do. And the person you initially thought was too cool for you could end up being your best friend.
Such important reminders, because we are all changing all the time. I am not the exact same person I was even a month ago, and neither are you!
12. Trust the Lord and His Timing- Definitely the absolute most important lesson I was reminded of during this whole experience. A little bit ago my younger brother heard me talking to my Mom about how five more of my best friends are getting married in the next few months. And I feel like I am still trying to just figure out how to enjoy life in the singles ward. He jokingly said, "I thought Abbey learned how to trust Heavenly Father on her mission?". That made me chuckle because of course I learned how to trust the Lord on my mission! And that wasn't even the first time I learned it. But each phase of life brings new challenges. And each one requires that we develop a deeper trust in Him and His plan. Right now I feel like I have some of the most important decisions of my life to make. But I don't have to make them alone. So far, my life has gone pretty differently then I thought it would back when I was in high school. But absolutely everything that has happened has been for the very best! Even if it is impossible to see that in the moment. I am so grateful that my life is not in my hands, because so far Heavenly Father sure has done a lot more with it than I ever would have thought possible. And that pattern is just going to continue, so all I need to do is trust Him! He will not ask me to do anything I can't do with His help. ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR OUR GOOD!
Thank you so much! You sound very similar to me, like almost scary similar. But I loved reading your testimony and seeing your strength. All things do work together for our good!
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